I'm not a good enough writer.
I'm not a good enough teacher.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I'm nowhere near good enough to do anything creative.
I have a friend who is in a similar head-space.
Getting myself out of that space feels impossible. I try to counter it, but the position that I'm in for right now (financially, emotionally, socially) seems to confirm it.
But trying to get my friend out of that space, and suddenly I'm all optimistic. I can see the good things in life for him, but not for myself. So, I find myself listening to what I say to him.
And it's all true for me, too.
"It's bad/hard right now, but in a few years, it will be better."
"Yes, you can do that, I'm certain you can. Here, let me help you."
"People care about you."
"You are creative, and you can totally reach your creative goals. How can I help?"
The things I'm saying to him, to inspire him, are things I need to hear.
That's interesting, I think. How often do we do that? Give advice to someone that is just what we need to hear?
I was researching something on optimism/pessimism, and came across this fantastic piece by Ira Glass (of This American Life on NPR). Watch it. . . Listen to it. . .
Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.
"Everybody who does interesting, creative work went through a phase of years where they had really good taste but they could tell what they were making wasn't as good as they wanted it to be. They knew it fell short. It didn't have this . . . special thing. . . that we want it to have. Everybody goes through that; it's totally normal. The most important thing you can do is a lot of work."
For some reason, this just really resonates with me.
I've told myself for years that if I was really a writer, then I would write more. But it all always sounds so stupid when I read stuff back later. It never feels "good enough" to share with others.
For years there are things I've wanted to do, started to outline to do, and just ended up saying, "I'm not as smart as dy/dan" or "I'm not as quirky as Havi Brooks (and her duck)" or "I'm not quite as upbeat as Leonie Dawson" or "I'm not as gutsy as Naomi Dumford."
I'm not organized enough.
I'm not brave enough.
I'm not good enough.
I bought Havi Brooks' Monster Manual (that's a link to the description of the manual and coloring book, but if you'd like to buy it, please buy it through here. I just checked and the price has gone up quite a bit - it is now $60 for the basic kit, but I'm pretty sure I only paid $25) a couple of years ago to try to work through this particular Monster.
|my coloring and notes|
“PUHleeeeeeze,everyone else is doing the thing you want to do better than you ever could so why even bother - really why are you still even thinking about this”Monster.
Obviously, since I haven't done much with it in almost three years, just looking at it and coloring it didn't help me much.
But maybe I can do something now.
The recommended method of dealing with it is to say, "Ok, so what? What if that's true?" and go from there. . . I think I need to meditate on that for awhile.
What holds you back from doing what you want to do?